The best questions are small and specific — a kitchen, a first wage, a song — and the big stories follow. Here are 51 to start with, in the order a life tends to go. Pick two or three; you won’t need them all.
A few tips
Ask one thing at a time, and let a silence sit.
Follow the story, not the list: “What happened next?” and “What was that like?” are often the best questions of all.
An old photograph opens doors — ask who’s in it.
Keep the answers: write them down, or record them if they’re happy for you to.
Childhood and home
What’s the very first thing you can remember?
Describe the house you grew up in. Which room do you picture first?
What were your mum and dad like when you were small?
What was for tea on an ordinary weekday?
Who did you play with, and what did you play?
What did you get told off for?
Was there a grandparent, aunt or neighbour you were especially close to?
Turning points, places and moves
What’s the biggest decision you ever made, and how did you make it?
Where have you lived, and which place felt most like home?
Was there a moment your life could have gone a completely different way?
What was it like the first time you left home?
Did you ever move somewhere you knew nobody? How did you find your feet?
Which year of your life would you most like to live again?
Family, love and friendship
How did you meet the person you married, or loved most — and what did you notice first?
What do you remember about the day I was born?
Who has been your best friend, and how did you meet?
If you had brothers or sisters, what were they like growing up?
What did your own parents teach you that you passed on to us?
What was the hardest part of being a parent — and the best?
Who could always make you laugh?
School and work
What was school like? Was there a teacher you loved, or one you feared?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What was your first job, and what did you do with your first wage?
What work are you proudest of?
Who was the best boss you ever had — or the worst?
If you could have done any other job, what would it have been?
Hard times
Go gently, and only if they want to. It’s fine to leave any of these for another day.
What was the hardest time you’ve lived through, and what got you through it?
Who did you lean on when things went wrong?
Is there someone you’ve lost that you’d like us to know more about?
Was there a time you had to be braver than you felt?
What do you wish you’d known back then?
Is there anything you’d do differently?
Beliefs and advice
What do you believe in — and has that changed over the years?
What’s the best advice anyone ever gave you?
What matters more to you now than it did when you were young?
What are you proudest of in your life?
What would you tell your twenty-year-old self?
What makes a good life, do you think?
For the people who come after
What do you hope your grandchildren will know about you?
Is there a family story that must never be forgotten?
What would you like to say to each of us?
Which family traditions do you hope we keep going?
How would you like to be remembered?
The small things
What song takes you straight back to being young?
What was your favourite meal, and who cooked it?
What did things cost when you were young — a loaf of bread, the bus, a trip to the cinema?
What’s the best present you’ve ever been given?
What made you laugh until you cried?
Which smell takes you straight back somewhere?
What was on the wireless or the telly that everyone talked about?
What did a perfect Saturday look like when you were twelve?
Or let Rosa ask them
Not everyone finds the time, or the right moment. Rosa is a friendly computer host who asks questions like these one at a time, follows what your mum or dad actually says, and remembers it from one conversation to the next. What they tell her can become videos and a book for the whole family, and only the account holder can download it.